HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!
Now normally, I hate clichés.
I never liked the idea of following the crowd.
Although, this is totally out of my character.
I decided to make an exception this year.
Let's call it an experiment.
I actually have a New Years Resolution! (Yay me!)
This year I decided to challenge myself in four ways.
Before this year is up I want to experience:
I promise you once upon a time I was HOT! (At least I think I was).
But, even if I do not achieve a makeover. I want to like what I see in the mirror everyday, including the bad hair days. I know I mentioned three resolutions, when I said I had four.
The first three are more for fun.
The fourth one is the most important one.
I want to stop giving up.
I want to stop giving up, even if I have a reason to.
For some reason (that's not true I know the reason). I tend to stop trying every time I hit a bump in my plan. No matter how small the bump is.
I have in my mind how things are supposed to go, and when it does not go that way. I hit panic mode and decide it's not going to work. I guess you can say excuses is my biggest enemy.
Fun fact: Did you know that yesterday (Jan. 8th 2019) marked 14 years since the infamous car accident my family was in that resulted in the death of my mother. ( If you have not had the chance to read the story it is in my previous blog post titled: The accident).
I suspect that is when this behavior started. Because of that accident. I was not mentally prepared to pursue my driver's license for 13 years.
I finally have my license now. But, this is an example of how easy it is for me to get deterred. For years, I believed that I had to wait for signs to give me direction or tell me when to move. In my mind it has been all about timing. Waiting for the right sign to tell me when it's the right time.
I have been stuck on red. The best way to explain it is mentally for 14 years, I have been on the road. Probably, the same road of the accident. The same road that changed my life for the worst,
stuck at a red traffic light. Waiting for the light to change.
While I wait, I witnessed others moving forward in their life. Watching other peoples light turn green, while I stayed patiently, fearfully, stuck at this red light.
I don't know if it was me finally getting my license, or watching my daughter's health change, or maybe it's the effects of hitting the 30's.
But, I AM TIRED OF WAITING!
This year ( this week mind you) I have decided that I am no longer waiting for signs to tell me when to move. Signs will no longer dictate how I live my life. And, if this light does not want to change. Then, to hell with it!!
I am my own green light.
It is time. It has been time for me to move forward.
It is time for me to get involved.
Time for me to explore new roads.
Time for me to test my limits, and see how far I can go.
Do you have any idea how big this is for me?
For over a decade. I felt bad about moving forward with my life.
A part of my broken heart will forever be on that road, in those last moments.
I felt that I needed to maintain loyalty, and respect to my mother by not allowing myself experiences, and ultimate happiness.
Because, I believed that I deserved to be stuck on red as a punishment for my hand in her death.
Maybe, it's the high of the New Year, and the feeling of a fresh start that has got me thinking my punishment is up. I have done my time. Alhough, I will never be completely healed. ( Truth be told I don't want to be). I am mentally ready to get out of STOP and enter GO!
I must go even if my plans fall apart.
I must not give up on things I really enjoy.
If no one ever reads my blog. I cannot keep using the amount of views I get as excuses to stop posting. (Even if it never reaches Oprah).
Just because I stop at Chic-fil- a to get a Oreo milkshake, and fries, should not cause me to give up on healthy eating from here on out.
Just because my pants size is a double digit does not mean that I am not beautiful.
The theme this year is inner self.
Loving myself, and what I have.
Even if it's something missing.
I am certain I am going to stray away from this thought process.
I am looking forward to it.
Because, when you fall is when you see if you really have what it takes to get back up.
I have been down mentally, far too long.
I am more than ready to get back up again.
Good Bye red light. Thanks for keeping me company.
Farewell Stop.
Momma's gotta GO!!!!
This post is dedicated to anyone that has ever felt stuck in anyway. Whether I know you personally or not. I believe if I can have the will to get out of my own way. Then I know you can. Belief is half the battle. And, I believe in you. I hope that you ride with me this year, as my goal is to create a new post weekly.
Thanks for taking a ride in my mind, and I hope you have a GREAT YEAR.
Bianca
Now normally, I hate clichés.
I never liked the idea of following the crowd.
Although, this is totally out of my character.
I decided to make an exception this year.
Let's call it an experiment.
I actually have a New Years Resolution! (Yay me!)
This year I decided to challenge myself in four ways.
Before this year is up I want to experience:
- Something Different
- Something Uncomfortable
- Something Daring
I promise you once upon a time I was HOT! (At least I think I was).
But, even if I do not achieve a makeover. I want to like what I see in the mirror everyday, including the bad hair days. I know I mentioned three resolutions, when I said I had four.
The first three are more for fun.
The fourth one is the most important one.
I want to stop giving up.
I want to stop giving up, even if I have a reason to.
For some reason (that's not true I know the reason). I tend to stop trying every time I hit a bump in my plan. No matter how small the bump is.
I have in my mind how things are supposed to go, and when it does not go that way. I hit panic mode and decide it's not going to work. I guess you can say excuses is my biggest enemy.
Fun fact: Did you know that yesterday (Jan. 8th 2019) marked 14 years since the infamous car accident my family was in that resulted in the death of my mother. ( If you have not had the chance to read the story it is in my previous blog post titled: The accident).
I suspect that is when this behavior started. Because of that accident. I was not mentally prepared to pursue my driver's license for 13 years.
I finally have my license now. But, this is an example of how easy it is for me to get deterred. For years, I believed that I had to wait for signs to give me direction or tell me when to move. In my mind it has been all about timing. Waiting for the right sign to tell me when it's the right time.
I have been stuck on red. The best way to explain it is mentally for 14 years, I have been on the road. Probably, the same road of the accident. The same road that changed my life for the worst,
stuck at a red traffic light. Waiting for the light to change.
While I wait, I witnessed others moving forward in their life. Watching other peoples light turn green, while I stayed patiently, fearfully, stuck at this red light.
I don't know if it was me finally getting my license, or watching my daughter's health change, or maybe it's the effects of hitting the 30's.
But, I AM TIRED OF WAITING!
This year ( this week mind you) I have decided that I am no longer waiting for signs to tell me when to move. Signs will no longer dictate how I live my life. And, if this light does not want to change. Then, to hell with it!!
I am my own green light.
It is time. It has been time for me to move forward.
It is time for me to get involved.
Time for me to explore new roads.
Time for me to test my limits, and see how far I can go.
Do you have any idea how big this is for me?
For over a decade. I felt bad about moving forward with my life.
A part of my broken heart will forever be on that road, in those last moments.
I felt that I needed to maintain loyalty, and respect to my mother by not allowing myself experiences, and ultimate happiness.
Because, I believed that I deserved to be stuck on red as a punishment for my hand in her death.
Maybe, it's the high of the New Year, and the feeling of a fresh start that has got me thinking my punishment is up. I have done my time. Alhough, I will never be completely healed. ( Truth be told I don't want to be). I am mentally ready to get out of STOP and enter GO!
I must go even if my plans fall apart.
I must not give up on things I really enjoy.
If no one ever reads my blog. I cannot keep using the amount of views I get as excuses to stop posting. (Even if it never reaches Oprah).
Just because I stop at Chic-fil- a to get a Oreo milkshake, and fries, should not cause me to give up on healthy eating from here on out.
Just because my pants size is a double digit does not mean that I am not beautiful.
The theme this year is inner self.
Loving myself, and what I have.
Even if it's something missing.
I am certain I am going to stray away from this thought process.
I am looking forward to it.
Because, when you fall is when you see if you really have what it takes to get back up.
I have been down mentally, far too long.
I am more than ready to get back up again.
Good Bye red light. Thanks for keeping me company.
Farewell Stop.
Momma's gotta GO!!!!
This post is dedicated to anyone that has ever felt stuck in anyway. Whether I know you personally or not. I believe if I can have the will to get out of my own way. Then I know you can. Belief is half the battle. And, I believe in you. I hope that you ride with me this year, as my goal is to create a new post weekly.
Thanks for taking a ride in my mind, and I hope you have a GREAT YEAR.
Bianca
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