It has been said that Severe injuries and physical trauma can also produce post-traumatic stress disorder, a condition that can cause temporary memory loss to help a person cope with the traumatic event that caused the injury.
Much was the same for me. Although I do not remember every detail following the accident. I do remember when the ambulance arrived. The sound of them coming only enhanced my fears. The chaos of the police, the fire trucks, the EMT. I remember being forced to lay down because of my head injury. I remember being told that my mother would be flown to a bigger hospital, and the sound of the helicopter as it drew near to the accident sight. Although, I do not remember the name of the hospital I was taken to. I do remember being interrogated by the police there. I was so angry that no one was giving me information about my mother. It was as if I was being treated like someone who caused this accident with intent. Finally, I had to admit that my mother let me drive knowing I did not have a license or experience with driving a vehicle. Admitting that caused the cops to back off a bit, but their response was such that it came across as critical and judgmental of my mother's decision.
Like I said, I don't remember everything.
Like how I got to the hospital my mother was at. Or who contacted my grandmother, and how she got to the hospital so fast. But; what I can tell you is what she looked like when we finally got to see her.
She was in the ICU. Before we saw her the doctor informed us that she had a spinal injury and it is likely that she will be paralyzed from the neck down. Knowing this I didn't know what to expect.
When we entered her room the first thing I noticed was the halo: a metal device on top of her head. Right away it alarmed me. As I drew closer to her I noticed the scratches and bruises all over her body, which made me sad but I was holding it together. It wasn't until I saw the trachea in her neck that I began to lose it.
Seeing her like that was such an out of body experience. I was living it but I just couldn't believe it was real. I didn't know what to feel, and all I kept thinking was that she is going to die.
But guess what?
She didn't!
It took time but eventually she woke up, started breathing o her own. Her memory was in tack despite everything. However, she still showed no signs of regaining feeling in her legs.
It was such a confusing time for everyone. No one knew what to expect, what to do next, or how to comfort my mother. This once independent mother of three, who defied all the odds. Educated, career driven, recent home owner now has to depend on someone for any and all basic and unbasic needs.
Can you imagine waking up only to discover you could no longer care for yourself? Let alone your children.
For my mother it was VERY difficult to except. Although that was the forefront of everyone's concern. My sister and I still had to go back to school. My brother still has to be cared for. Everyone still has to go back to work. All the while my mother was still in the ICU in another state.
It was difficult, but somehow we managed.
Eventually my mother was transferred to the National Rehabilitation Hospital in DC. Which was great to have her close to home. After some time as inpatient in NRH; she was finally able to come home.
You would think that experiencing a traumatic event with someone would only draw you closer together. Unfortunately, that was not the case for my mother and I.
My sister went back to college to finish her first year. So while she was gone my mother finally came home. However, in the beginning she did not have a nurse to care for her, so the responsibility was left to me. A senior in high school with no training or experience with how to care for a paraplegic. My mother was fortunate enough to have friends that were nurses, who would care for her while I was at school. They would leave when I got home and the responsibility was mine for the remainder of the day and all night.
I had to bathe her and dress her. I had to change her catheter (bag used to hold urine), and give her enemas to help when she's constipated. If that didn't help I had to use my fingers to pull it out. I also had to transfer her from the bed to the chair. Everyday I had to decide on dinner, clean the house, administer her medicine, go to school, and every night I had to wake up every three hours to turn her body while she slept so that she wouldn't develop bed sores.
I was exhausted; at school I was so tired I promise you I learned absolutely nothing.
Other than being tired I felt trapped.
I couldn't leave her sight unless it was to go to school or the bathroom. I had to stay in the same room as her because her voice became so low as an effect of the accident, and I needed to be around in case she needed anything. For example: if she is thirsty, or itching, or want to switch to a different position.
You would think all that time together would be spent with bonding and gratitude for our survival, but instead it was full of stress and emotions.
She was angry about EVERYTHING (rightfully so)
She didn't like not having privacy anymore, relying on people for everything; she became deeply depressed.
As for me I didn't like seeing her like this knowing that I caused this. I didn't like seeing my friends enjoy their lives and plan for college, while I was stuck in the house. We never left the house except for doctor's appointments and physical therapy.
I didn't like being a nurse at all!
I know that's a terrible thing to say...knowing that's my mother, knowing I caused this but it's the truth.
Now that I think of it much of my life now is like it was then.
I'm stuck in the house caring for Calista, especially now that it's getting cold outside. I cannot leave her sight, I do everything for her, and I have to watch my friends live their lives while I'm home.
Funny how life turns out.
When my sister finished her first year she came home and stayed home and the responsibility to care for our mother now became ours together.
Or at least that's what it should have been. Instead I used my sister as an escape. I would leave the house or ignore my mother when she would call out for help, because I just didn't want to do it anymore.
It started with ignoring her calls every now and then. Then, I began to beg my sister to take the night shift of turning her while she slept because she started waking up at night asking for pain medicine because she was in severe pain, and I hated waking up at night.
Then I would avoid my mother all together. I would try to stay in my room as much as possible to prevent from doing anything because I knew it was my turn to care for her, and if I go near my mother or sister they would make me do it.
Eventually, my mother realized what I was doing and it hurt her.
She started to resent me.
In a weird way I started to resent her.
I know I know...I can be a bitch. I had absolutely no right to treat my mother this way! After all she has done for me! I was avoiding her when she needed me the most. I had no reason to be angry with her.
I want to blame it on the fact that I was a stupid teenager, but the reality is I was dead wrong.
My sister in all this played the role of the peacemaker. Many times she would console my mother when she would break down crying. Then, she would talk to me about my attitude, and how I needed to step up and be there for mommy, because by this point her friends started coming by less and less.
With all my sisters efforts, as time went on shit just got from bad to worst.
I decided to share these pictures with you to create a visual of my mothers heartbreaking change during that time. To show you how unpredictable life can be. My wish for you as a reader is not sympathy , but hope and perspective. Perspective on life; and how you never know how much time you have left. So live your dreams, able bodied or not. Also, perspective on how you treat people. I deeply regret my behavior towards my mother during the time of the second picture. You truly never know what goes on inside someone's home. Just because you see people smiling doesn't mean that they are happy. So do someone a favor and offer kindness it could really be life saver.
Much was the same for me. Although I do not remember every detail following the accident. I do remember when the ambulance arrived. The sound of them coming only enhanced my fears. The chaos of the police, the fire trucks, the EMT. I remember being forced to lay down because of my head injury. I remember being told that my mother would be flown to a bigger hospital, and the sound of the helicopter as it drew near to the accident sight. Although, I do not remember the name of the hospital I was taken to. I do remember being interrogated by the police there. I was so angry that no one was giving me information about my mother. It was as if I was being treated like someone who caused this accident with intent. Finally, I had to admit that my mother let me drive knowing I did not have a license or experience with driving a vehicle. Admitting that caused the cops to back off a bit, but their response was such that it came across as critical and judgmental of my mother's decision.
Like I said, I don't remember everything.
Like how I got to the hospital my mother was at. Or who contacted my grandmother, and how she got to the hospital so fast. But; what I can tell you is what she looked like when we finally got to see her.
She was in the ICU. Before we saw her the doctor informed us that she had a spinal injury and it is likely that she will be paralyzed from the neck down. Knowing this I didn't know what to expect.
When we entered her room the first thing I noticed was the halo: a metal device on top of her head. Right away it alarmed me. As I drew closer to her I noticed the scratches and bruises all over her body, which made me sad but I was holding it together. It wasn't until I saw the trachea in her neck that I began to lose it.
Seeing her like that was such an out of body experience. I was living it but I just couldn't believe it was real. I didn't know what to feel, and all I kept thinking was that she is going to die.
But guess what?
She didn't!
It took time but eventually she woke up, started breathing o her own. Her memory was in tack despite everything. However, she still showed no signs of regaining feeling in her legs.
It was such a confusing time for everyone. No one knew what to expect, what to do next, or how to comfort my mother. This once independent mother of three, who defied all the odds. Educated, career driven, recent home owner now has to depend on someone for any and all basic and unbasic needs.
Can you imagine waking up only to discover you could no longer care for yourself? Let alone your children.
For my mother it was VERY difficult to except. Although that was the forefront of everyone's concern. My sister and I still had to go back to school. My brother still has to be cared for. Everyone still has to go back to work. All the while my mother was still in the ICU in another state.
It was difficult, but somehow we managed.
Eventually my mother was transferred to the National Rehabilitation Hospital in DC. Which was great to have her close to home. After some time as inpatient in NRH; she was finally able to come home.
You would think that experiencing a traumatic event with someone would only draw you closer together. Unfortunately, that was not the case for my mother and I.
My sister went back to college to finish her first year. So while she was gone my mother finally came home. However, in the beginning she did not have a nurse to care for her, so the responsibility was left to me. A senior in high school with no training or experience with how to care for a paraplegic. My mother was fortunate enough to have friends that were nurses, who would care for her while I was at school. They would leave when I got home and the responsibility was mine for the remainder of the day and all night.
I had to bathe her and dress her. I had to change her catheter (bag used to hold urine), and give her enemas to help when she's constipated. If that didn't help I had to use my fingers to pull it out. I also had to transfer her from the bed to the chair. Everyday I had to decide on dinner, clean the house, administer her medicine, go to school, and every night I had to wake up every three hours to turn her body while she slept so that she wouldn't develop bed sores.
I was exhausted; at school I was so tired I promise you I learned absolutely nothing.
Other than being tired I felt trapped.
I couldn't leave her sight unless it was to go to school or the bathroom. I had to stay in the same room as her because her voice became so low as an effect of the accident, and I needed to be around in case she needed anything. For example: if she is thirsty, or itching, or want to switch to a different position.
You would think all that time together would be spent with bonding and gratitude for our survival, but instead it was full of stress and emotions.
She was angry about EVERYTHING (rightfully so)
She didn't like not having privacy anymore, relying on people for everything; she became deeply depressed.
As for me I didn't like seeing her like this knowing that I caused this. I didn't like seeing my friends enjoy their lives and plan for college, while I was stuck in the house. We never left the house except for doctor's appointments and physical therapy.
I didn't like being a nurse at all!
I know that's a terrible thing to say...knowing that's my mother, knowing I caused this but it's the truth.
Now that I think of it much of my life now is like it was then.
I'm stuck in the house caring for Calista, especially now that it's getting cold outside. I cannot leave her sight, I do everything for her, and I have to watch my friends live their lives while I'm home.
Funny how life turns out.
When my sister finished her first year she came home and stayed home and the responsibility to care for our mother now became ours together.
Or at least that's what it should have been. Instead I used my sister as an escape. I would leave the house or ignore my mother when she would call out for help, because I just didn't want to do it anymore.
It started with ignoring her calls every now and then. Then, I began to beg my sister to take the night shift of turning her while she slept because she started waking up at night asking for pain medicine because she was in severe pain, and I hated waking up at night.
Then I would avoid my mother all together. I would try to stay in my room as much as possible to prevent from doing anything because I knew it was my turn to care for her, and if I go near my mother or sister they would make me do it.
Eventually, my mother realized what I was doing and it hurt her.
She started to resent me.
In a weird way I started to resent her.
I know I know...I can be a bitch. I had absolutely no right to treat my mother this way! After all she has done for me! I was avoiding her when she needed me the most. I had no reason to be angry with her.
I want to blame it on the fact that I was a stupid teenager, but the reality is I was dead wrong.
My sister in all this played the role of the peacemaker. Many times she would console my mother when she would break down crying. Then, she would talk to me about my attitude, and how I needed to step up and be there for mommy, because by this point her friends started coming by less and less.
With all my sisters efforts, as time went on shit just got from bad to worst.
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