Pilot: Who Are You?

         Well let me start with the basic.
My name is Bianca. However, it's been a long time since I've been just Bianca.
I became a wife at 23 and a mother all in the same year. It was a great year to say the least. But that's not all that I am. I can be described by anyone who knows me as outgoing, funny, and imaginative. Which is a nice way of saying I like to live in a fairy tale world. When I was younger I couldn't wait to become an adult. I used to joke with my mother about when I turn 18 just rent me a Uhaul so I can be free and live my dreams.
Unfortunately the way I gained my freedom was not a fairy tale, but a nightmare in the truest form.
During my senior year in high school while my mother and I were driving my sister back to college we were in a horrible car accident. (Maybe sometime later I will go in depth of the incident....you have to stay tuned) However, I will say the results of that accident left my mother paralyzed from the neck down.  Which means over night (or in a couple months) I transformed from a teenage daughter so close to freedom, into a nurse/caregiver.
It didn't last long, three years later on my mothers birthday she died in her sleep. When she died, a part of me died. My life as I knew it would never be the same.
My life has been nothing but struggle from that day on.
Although that remains to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me, believe it or not there have been some days I considered just as bad... But like I said to hear those stories you have to stay tuned.
This blog is about my life right now.
Right now I am 29 years old wife, sister, aunt, friend, and mother of two. Although I physically had four children, out of the four I only have two to show for it. A handsome five year old boy name Jonah, and a beautiful 17 month old girl name Calista. We call her Callie for short, and this is who this blog is inspired by. My daughter was born with a rare condition called Pierre Robin Sequence/Syndrome.
Which is basically when you are born with a small jaw and a cleft palate.
I started this blog because in my circle of people I know I am the only one with a special needs child. The amount of responsibility that comes with caring for a child period is overwhelming, but when your child has needs that responsibility gets multiplied by 1000.
It gets so stressful at times it leaves me thinking am I doing this right?
With me having limited to no access to other parents of special needs children, often times I feel alone. I have had moments where I searched relentlessly for resources, groups, or just stories of family with a loved one with the same condition, and came up short every time. Which brought me to this. I want to be able to connect with anyone that is struggling to care for a loved one. Anyone that has given so much of themselves for someone they loved in the process they lost themselves. Anyone who questions if they are alone? Or gets frustrated that their friends don't understand the change in them, or worst their spouse.
I want you to know I am here!
I relate to your journey!
And I want to provide a space for us to feel free to express ourselves and our new reality.
This is my story and I will be sharing it with you.